At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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