I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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