Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
