its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NoShamevember. You game?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
