either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize