Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do herpes really smell.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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