drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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