we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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