RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
