Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
