Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq

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(812): View more from Indiana

If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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(812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her

(732): View more from New Jersey

Clearly I went along with it

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(732): she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her (732): Clearly I went along with it http://tfl.nu/y5y5

Replies (5) Good night (4781) Bad night (1118)
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(519): View more from Ontario

so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.

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(519): so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious. http://tfl.nu/hyyw

Replies (26) Good night (4160) Bad night (1370)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.

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(919): You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad. http://tfl.nu/r24i

Replies (12) Good night (1275) Bad night (2289)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

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(970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.

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(781): He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory. http://tfl.nu/fp19

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.

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(401): Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/4j6y

Replies (17) Good night (1512) Bad night (846)
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(631): View more from New York

does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?

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(631): does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you? http://tfl.nu/fswy

Replies (6) Good night (1624) Bad night (786)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.

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(701): Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar. http://tfl.nu/j5ff

Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (640)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.

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(405): I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it. http://tfl.nu/f6bj

Replies (5) Good night (1146) Bad night (894)
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(613): View more from Ontario

All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.

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(613): All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real. http://tfl.nu/5379

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(303): View more from Colorado

His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?

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(303): His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls? http://tfl.nu/8cye

Replies (11) Good night (412) Bad night (986)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.

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(920): Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar. http://tfl.nu/5oi1

Replies (7) Good night (859) Bad night (342)
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(205): View more from Alabama

We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.

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(205): We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/2hud

Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (396)

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