My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.