It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.