i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
