Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'

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  (778): Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world' http://tfl.nu/vm9t
  Replies (8) Good night (7225) Bad night (901)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day

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  (478): I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day http://tfl.nu/i2uc
  Replies (10) Good night (4423) Bad night (1012)
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  (707): View more from California

  We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

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  (707): We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday. http://tfl.nu/jjrt
  Replies (23) Good night (3848) Bad night (1028)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.

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  (910): I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling. http://tfl.nu/sj19
  Replies (6) Good night (2766) Bad night (801)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.

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  (773): we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby. http://tfl.nu/gkxo
  Replies (4) Good night (2859) Bad night (759)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.

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  (519): That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked. http://tfl.nu/ff8s
  Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (2519)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us

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  (919): I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us http://tfl.nu/0tdj
  Replies (2) Good night (1237) Bad night (1347)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  your like the ambassador to my penis.

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  (807): your like the ambassador to my penis. http://tfl.nu/t18m
  Replies (8) Good night (1540) Bad night (774)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.

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  (215): He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that. http://tfl.nu/u001
  Replies (12) Good night (2078) Bad night (833)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.

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  (330): okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important. http://tfl.nu/wfir
  Replies (6) Good night (1382) Bad night (1172)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...

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  (734): You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part... http://tfl.nu/5hsp
  Replies (2) Good night (996) Bad night (620)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men

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  (315): Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men http://tfl.nu/a6p1
  Replies (4) Good night (1175) Bad night (548)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.

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  (250): I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder. http://tfl.nu/j76c
  Replies (9) Good night (2601) Bad night (1076)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.

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  (917): Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am. http://tfl.nu/94x6
  Replies (2) Good night (1574) Bad night (770)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven

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  (215): Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven http://tfl.nu/y2y3
  Replies (3) Good night (874) Bad night (404)

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