I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.