happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
