Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
