How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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