I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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