You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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