I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
