I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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