Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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