ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
