i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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