she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
