he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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