Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
