I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
