next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
