what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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