Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
