i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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