So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
