we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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