My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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