We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Girls should come with a carfax report
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
