Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
