I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
