I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
