You smell like stripper and shame
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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