OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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