Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
