All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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