Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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