just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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