My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
