i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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