Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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