So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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