The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
