Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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