I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
