bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
