Can i not drive my cunt home
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
