Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
