I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
