My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
