So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
