I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
