guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
