I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
