I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sext me about skeletons
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize