There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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