we have officially lost it.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
