he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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