can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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