You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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