Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
