I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
