just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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