he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
