omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
