My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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