So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
