Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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