The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
