OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
