Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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