I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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