We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
