I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
