I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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