I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
