I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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