Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
